Ten Questions for Tracy Engelbrecht
Tracy Engelbrecht is a writer and mother of two. She lives in Cape Town and doesn’t grow freakishly large prizewinning vegetables, but she does do a nice lasagne and her children aren’t in therapy yet, so things are going well. She hardly ever drinks pina coladas or gets caught in the rain, but she’s working on it.
The Girl Who Couldn’t Say No is her first book and tells the hilarious (yes, seriously!) story of her pregnancy at fourteen-slash-fifteen.
1. How and why did you start writing?
I’ve been writing since childhood – stories about bunnies in primary school and depressing wrist-slashing stuff in my teens. This story was the one I’ve always been meant to write.
2. You have a teenager and young child – when do you find the time to write?
Late at night mostly, once all the mommy-duties are done. Lots of coffee and Red Bull. Very healthy, yes?
3. The Girl Who Couldn’t Say No sounds like a lost James Bond book – do you consider yourself something of ‘a woman of mystery’? How do you take your martinis? And how did you come up with the title?
Woman of mystery? Nah. Most mysterious thing about me is where that stain on my shirt came from. Martinis… hmm… I like them when they’re bought by other people, cute ones for preference. My title is thanks to a comment made by a thousand-year old doctor I saw a few years ago. I’d been to see him for bronchitis, and he proceeded to lecture me on my dire need for contraception, as I’m ‘obviously one of those girls who can’t say no’. I was miffed, but filed it away for later use. It sums me up nicely, and yet, there is that hint of irony. I hope.
4. Writing a book about your teenage pregnancy is not an easy thing to do. How did you keep your sense of humour?
I don’t take myself too seriously, I think. I’ve always been able to laugh at myself. Come on – wouldn’t you, if you were me? After all these years, the cringeworthy ‘Oh-My-God awfulness of the situation has lessened. And everything I write seems to turn out funny somehow, anyway, even the hard stuff.
5. You’ve said before that you don’t want to be the poster-girl for teenage pregnancy. You obviously don’t think that having a baby as a teenager is necessarily the ‘end of the world’. What do you think are the benefits and drawbacks of having your kids young? Is a teenage mom any different from an older mom?
It’s hard to generalise. Not every girl in my situation is as lucky as I was to have a family to support her. For those girls, it might be an almost impossible predicament.
Benefits? I didn’t have an established career, relationship, way of life etc. which motherhood would disrupt, so I could throw myself into it without any sense of sacrifice or loss, which I think some older moms struggle with. Also, when I’m 40, my son will be 24 and my daughter 17. That’s quite handy!
Drawbacks? The sense of guilt I felt at living in my parents’ house, relying on them for support. And also learning to cope with some people’s attitudes and reactions. That was hard for me.
That said, I don’t think a teenage mom is any different from an older mom. All mothers are clueless at first; no matter how together and organised you might normally feel. Everybody has to learn from scratch. The quality of your mothering is not determined by your age, your resources, your education, your dress size. It’s about your commitment, love and desire to do it well. You get great and lousy mothers of all ages.
6. What does your son think of The Girl Who Couldn’t Say No? And I know you’ve heard this before, but ‘What did your parents say?’
I was worried about how the book would affect him, especially reading things he may not have been aware of. He read it after the first draft was finished, and he enjoyed it, and so far there’s no sign of any emotional scarring… But still, he’s a teenager – so he would probably not tell me how he really feels. Maybe I’ll find out one day?
My parents are crazy in love with the book. They are so proud. My father is reading it for the first time now, and I hear him chuckling in the other room. They know that writing is what I’ve always wanted to do – and this story is so important to us all as a family.
7. What was the hardest part of The Girl Who Couldn’t Say No to write?
Definitely the scene in which I told my parents I was pregnant. I dreaded getting to that part. Until I wrote the book, I had always avoided even thinking about that night – it was too painful. It sounds terribly naff and unlikely, but as soon as I’d written it down, I let it go.
8. Which part had you laughing out loud to yourself (yes, it’s embarrassing to admit, but all humour writers do it)?
Oh yeah. The fight I had with Ms H, my Grade 9 teacher, on my 15th birthday. I still giggle thinking about those ‘wildly swinging bosoms’.
9. What irritates you most in the whole wide world?
Being judged. People who judge. People who say your name constantly throughout a conversation. People who leave their children unattended in parked cars. People who feed wild animals and are surprised when they get eaten themselves. Bad spelling. Fitted sheets that pop off the corners of the bed. I could go on…?
10. Describe Tracy’s ideal day.
Ooh – if we’re talking real fantasy here, then my ideal day would involve sleeping late, lots of sun, reading, food, wine and more sleep. More realistically, a day when I don’t forget any vitally important school notices, burn the supper or fall off my high heels. That’s a start.
